Conversations about death and dying are rarely enjoyable. Most people avoid them because they bring up uncomfortable feelings about our inevitable demise. This topic can be particularly challenging for parents and their adult children. Adult children may shy away from discussing it because they do not want to think about their parents’ mortality or appear as though they are waiting for their parents to die.
Why You Shouldn’t Avoid the Topic
Despite these valid concerns, it’s essential to have these conversations. Your parents will pass away at some point, and having a plan in place will preserve their legacy and help them care for those they love most. Discussing these matters ensures that your parents have a voice regarding their end-of-life care and decisions about their finances and medical treatment when they can no longer make those decisions themselves. Advances in technology have made these conversations even more critical, as more people are likely to experience a period when they are alive but unable to make decisions.
Without these discussions and a legal delegation of decision-making authority, state laws will determine what happens. These default rules may not reflect your parents’ wishes. Moreover, failing to document their wishes properly could result in expensive and time-consuming court processes for their heirs.
How to Raise the Issue with Your Parents
Understanding the consequences of not having these conversations is one thing, but knowing how to bring up the topic with your parents is another. Here are some key ideas to consider when initiating this important discussion:
Avoid Nagging
When trying to persuade your parents to discuss estate planning, the last thing you want is to become a nuisance. Nagging can create an atmosphere of avoidance or suspicion. If your parents hesitate, find gentle ways to introduce the topic without putting them on the defensive.
Be Honest About Your Concerns
Honesty is crucial when discussing what will happen to your parents if they lose the ability to make decisions or pass away. Every family has its imperfections, and sensitive family issues often need to be addressed. Open and honest conversations about estate planning can help ensure effective planning and address any awkward family dynamics.
Include All Necessary Parties
It’s essential to involve all relevant parties, such as siblings, stepchildren, new spouses, and former spouses. Let your parents know you support them and prioritize understanding their wishes and helping to protect those desires. Ensuring everyone involved is in good health is also crucial. Decisions made when someone’s health is compromised may not be objective, and health concerns can blur the focus on creating a solid plan for the future.
Ask About Their Wishes
Directly ask your parents about their estate planning wishes. Don’t make assumptions. Even if you haven’t previously discussed this with them, they might have clear ideas about how they want things handled. Asking them directly brings them closer to making their vision a reality.
Review Existing Plans
Many parents do some estate planning when they start a family but never update it. Your parents might have documents outlining what should happen if they can no longer make decisions or pass away, but these documents may be outdated. Ask if they have any of the following documents and review them together:
- Past wills
- Trust documents
- Powers of attorney
- HIPAA authorization forms
- Insurance policy and retirement plan beneficiary designations
Benefits to Children and Grandchildren
Discuss how your parents will build their legacy through their children and grandchildren. Grandparents often want to make special provisions for their grandchildren. Explore how they want their money and property distributed and whether childless siblings will receive less. Navigating this area requires tact and wisdom.
Establishing a Foundation for Effective Estate Planning
By approaching your parents about end-of-life planning and having clear conversations about these topics, you lay the groundwork for effective estate planning.
You Do Not Have to Do This Alone
If you feel overwhelmed by these steps and want a neutral party to help facilitate the conversation and provide guidance, our law firm is here to assist. We can help you understand how the estate planning system works and ensure your parents’ wishes are documented and respected.
At Cheever Law, APC, we don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death for yourself and the people you love, starting with a valuable and educational Life & Legacy Planning Session. This will allow you to get more financially organized and make the best choices for the people you love. If you have already completed your estate plan, we will review that plan at your Life & Legacy Planning Session to ensure that it will work the way you intend and address any holes or gaps that may be present if circumstances have changed since you executed your plan.
To learn more about our one-of-a-kind systems and services, contact us or schedule a no-obligation 15-minute introductory phone call today.